Mustashio Dood: Hello.
Mustashio Dood: No, hello.
Mustashio Dood: Hello means hello! Okay?
Interviewee: Uhh. Yes mustashio.
Mustashio Dood: Good. Now we can move on. So tell me about yourself.
Interviewee: Oh excellent question. Well you know...I'm just an amazing person, I'm great at everything, and I learn really fast. If we're talking about video games. Otherwise, I have a poor self image, I use self-deprecating humor to counteract the unbearable reality of an uncertain future, and I have not been genuinely happy since I graduated high school. Did I mention I can't maintain long-term relationships? Unless we're talking about dogs, in which case I'm really great with dogs.
Mustashio Dood: Oh wow! You're a lot less qualified than most I've interviewed this week. You're hired!
Interviewee: Great! When do I start?
Mustashio Dood: Right now!
Interviewee: But I'm a person, not a dog!
Mustashio Dood: Oh don't worry, that'll wear off. And in the meantime, why don't you wear this shirt?
Also, have a martini, it won't just make you an excellent lovemaker but also it'll help you cope with life in your new position. Congratulations!